Why this is a good thing

Nearly every woman has uttered the phrase: 'I am becoming my mother.' It is a ubiquitous statement, something to be joked about or even feared. Occasionally you may find someone who says it with pride, but that is rare. To become one's mother means you are slipping into middle age, no longer able to claim you are too young to know better. Responsibilities abound, and you find yourself acting like the first authority figure you ever knew: Mom.

When my first child, Arwen, was born, I was working full time. I had just started a new job and thus was unable to take more than six weeks of maternity leave. I was completely torn in two about my situation, I had not reconciled myself yet to the idea that I would be a working mother. My own mother had stayed home and what's more had always touted the importance of staying home. Over time I became used to the idea of working, and even saw strengths in the arrangement for my child. Another truth was revealed: you cannot expect a college educated woman who enjoys her career to turn that drive off for years while her children grow up. I had made my choice years before I had planned having children.

 I was spared any comments from my mother, because she died of lung cancer when I was eighteen. I sometimes question what she would have thought about the choices I have made. My mother had a different set of expectations for herself than was set up for me. She never aspired to go to college, but she expected me to. She was proud I wanted to be a nurse. Therefore I expect that she would have been proud of what I have achieved.

As soon as I had Arwen memories came flooding back at me. When I was about ten there were a lot of babies born in the family, and Mom coached me on caring for them. Unasked-for advice and wisdom popped into my head routinely. Being mother to a daughter healed part of my heart.

 Still, my parenting experience was different from Mom's. Shortly after Arwen was born Dad started getting sick more and more often, and I had more responsibility in helping him navigate his health care. I was the sandwich generation, and I wasn't even thirty.

 Anya's care has required me to stay home, in a very fortuitous situation where I stay at home with my kids as well as use my nursing skills. Since I quit working I feel a closer tie to the mother my Mom was. I am becoming my mother, and it is both strange and wonderful. I have more insight into her life than I ever have had before. My mother also had very unique skills to teach: overcoming adversity, raising a family on three hours of sleep or less, and how NOT to stain the stairs to the basement (make sure you don't stain yourself into the basement).

 This is my blog about family life, that and whatever pops into my head.